Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Loving your zombie...

http://www.natfilm.dk/2007small/Zombies.jpg

I've been eavedropping on the Republican Convention, plus surfing around the blogosphere, reading accounts of VP candidate Palin and her views. As to one view, I gather she is so against abortion, she elected to have a Down's syndrome child, and that even if her daughter became pregnant as a result of rape, she would still be against her having an abortion. This is probably on her mind pretty constantly, since there seems to be a lot of pregnancy over there at the Palins.

I realize all this anti-abortion stuff arises from the notion that we are fully-fledged little humans from a single-cell on. Personally, as an ex-teacher, I've always thought it took about twenty-eight years just to seem vaguely human. That's how old my grad students were when their parents quit storming into my university office, threatening to kill their kid barehanded. Now that I'm older, I've upped my figure and adopted my grandparents' outlook. They didn't consider a person capable of sensible conversation until he or she was at least fifty-five.

I started out in life wanting to be a microbiologist, so I've spent a bit of time staring at jellied dabs through a microscope. When I couldn't tell a turtle-jelly from a people-jelly, it made me wonder why the Catholics were so hot to sanctify it. Of course, this was during a brief crack in time when the Catholics were the only demographic getting weepy over people-jelly. Later on, the Evangelicals would focus just as near-sightedly on people-jelly, and become utterly undone over fetuses.

Personally, with their love of semi-life, I think the right-wing missed a bet by overlooking zombies. With all this discussion of the unborn who, face it, you don't even get to meet for nine months, I've heard zero about protecting the undead. Instead of mooning over a petri dish, I'd think it would be more satisfying to bop over to Haiti and grab yourself a zombie. You could then bring an adopted zombie stateside for the photo-ops, just like Angelina Jolie and Brad. Surely the undead would be measurelessly grateful, since they work all the shit jobs in Haiti anyhow. But in America, you could get your zombie a job at the 7-11 and he'd work all three shifts without a murmur. None of the stunned regulars buying scratch-offs would see anything strange about the clerk. From my forays into 7-11's, I know I wouldn't. Of course, if the 7-11 bosses started working your zombie seven days a week and all three shifts, month after month, you'd have to say something. You know, stand up for the rights of the undead. On the other hand, he'd be a good little earner, your zombie, and how much money do the undead really need?

Lots to think about here. Maybe I could write a quick note to the RNC and suggest they stick an Undead-Rights plank into the platform. It's last minute I know, but hell, so was their pick for VP.

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