Showing posts with label Roswell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Roswell. Show all posts

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Living with the weird.....

http://www.ronpaulwarroom.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/alien.jpg
Not what you think...

Contrary to what you might believe, when you start working the Google on "alien abductees" or just "extraterrestrials", you don't fall into a big roomy universe. Instead, you find yourself hunched over in a small airless world that probably smells like Fritos.

Yesterday, after a brutal day of looking at awful pencil drawings by abductees and patently rigged photographs, I got the uneasy feeling I could know everyone on the UFO-alien-Roswell circuit by name. Plus I saw the the same bewildered people, and rotten outer-space art, photo proofs, and those goddamned crop circles repeated unto eternity in various posts and websites. F'rinstance, in the extraterrestrial venues, the photograph above seems to be forever new and is always published as exciting actual proof of aliens: aliens among us, autopsied aliens, aliens who'll probe you, and aliens who come in peace. Actually it's a special movie effect, a head that floats bodiless in cyberspace, and at least it doesn't look slimy. Clammy, yes, but that's okay, and I really like its ears.

I did happen in on some unnerving 12 Step Groups though. There's the 12 Steps that will keep you from being abducted by teaching you to project a Christian white-light bubble around yourself. The drill's the same as with booze and dope: you admit you're powerless (over aliens), that your life has become unmanageable (what with the abductions), and you've come to believe that Jesus will protect you (from alien abductions) if he is sought, etc. Then there are the unfortunates whose parents somehow got knocked up by an alien, and wuddya know, had this big green kid. Eventually, due to social awkwardness and autistic habits, the offspring stumbles, as I did, into Adult Children of Alien Abductees. Same Twelves Steps, but instead of a generic higher power, they look to Diquad. There wasn't a picture of Diquad, but then there wouldn't be, would there?

Just my opinion, but the Adult Children of Alien Abductees seem like genuine froot loops. However, alien abductees do not. If anything, they exude a kind of mid-western Indiana-ish calm. One psychiatrist noted that they seemed oddly ordinary, if such a thing could be. Having lived in Iowa for six years, I know exactly what he meant. And, I remind myself, that most couples who "swing", ::wink:: wink::, also reside in the big blank prairie states.

Where little happens except the weather, and the population is stolid by nature, a vacuum seems to form, one that demands a high-pitched inner excitement. What might be cured by a crime wave or a good indie movie, instead converts to into peculiar longings. And it's such yearnings that can lead to sitting in rooms with other tattooed souls, praying to Diquad...or taking bondage photos of your wife wearing dog chains and a ball-gag.

So beware of boredom--especially the excruciating kind.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

No progress here...

http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Cats/Aliens.jpg
Combining The Cute And The Topical

Yesterday I shlepped downtown for jury duty at the same elephant-gray courthouse where Lee H. Oswald met his end. Glancing around, I sighed with recognition because, in the main jury room at least, it was still 1963. Oh, there were a few aggressive 40 and 50+ ladies with BlueTooths in their ears, and some impatient semi-retired guys with cellphones, but mostly we were all of a certain age, and all of us were reading. Some folks even had newspapers. No one was texting, no one was flipping through his iPhone apps, and everyone, I noted, had used lots of hairspray.

I begin this post with a fond backwards look since I've discovered that extraterrestrials belong to those dear dead days too. In researching men from Mars, alien abductions, and aliens in general, I'm sorry to report almost no progress in the appearance of creatures from outer space. Dating before the 1947 Roswell incident, extraterrestrials are generally portrayed as big-headed, skinny, bug-eyed, slot-mouthed beings with a greenish tinge. Although I did come across a picture of something that looked like a jelly-fish. It didn't have any arms though, so I couldn't see how it could grasp those bizarre shiny instruments aliens use in probing abductees.

Looking up "Roswell" on the Google, I looked at pix from A Real Alien Autopsy with something less than fascination. The alien in question lay on the slab, huge-headed, and with big googly eyes, while the "photo" itself looked a lot like those blatantly doctored up pictures of Bat Boy in the Weekly World News. Thinking of Bat Boy made me nostalgic all over again, so I went to the current online issue and came upon an article that listed 11 HINTS YOU MIGHT BE DESCENDED FROM ALIENS! The author, Erik Van Datiken, says in his flatly declaratory lede that humans and aliens intermarried 8,000 years ago, and so their descendants live among us now: http://weeklyworldnews.com/alien-alert/11451/11-hints-you-might-be-descended-from-aliens/2/. Check it out, if only for the heavily photo-shopped illustration showing that aliens evidently have evolved in some way, since they don't have noses anymore.

Among the 11 clues that spell out aliendom are: blue or green eyes set wide apart, narrow feet with longer than normal toes, big ears etc. In other words, sort of fetal-alcohol syndrome-ish, and looking mighty like the same old boring aliens we know so well. Ho-hum. I was way more interested in reading about the DUCT TAPE CAT and THE GIRL WITH X-RAY EYES. The story titled DALAI LAMA FIST BUMP and the one about Tom Delay's dancing with the stars, however, convinced me that the difference between actual journalism and the Weekly World News is: not much. The last two stories could fit comfortably in The Washington Post.

Dumbasses +1, Civilization 0.