Dumb-asses will be pondered...

They're baaaack

The New York Times today has devoted a whole article to the ill-starred Campbell family, whom I myself accused of being pussy Nazis. I stand corrected. Thanks to the Gray Lady's sterling reportage, it seems that Heath Campbell, the daddy of the brood, is not so much a Nazi as he is terminally stupid. And the bad thing about real dumb-butts is that they make smart people stupid. People like me, for instance.

When I discovered one of the kiddos was named Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie, I thought this was the name of a famous Nazi, or infamous Nazi, I didn't know about. Turns out, Heath claims that this is the correct way to spell Heinrich Himmler, and he is not only wrong, but flat-out wrong, and I feel like a dumb-ass, which is what dumb-asses like: the propagation of more dumb-asses.

Their landlord, a Mr. Lippincott, who shares the two family home where the Campbells live, says that awhile back Heath was into Confederate stuff and then switched over to the Nazi thing purely for stylistic reasons. According to the Times, Mr. Campbell is now into swastikas, which decorate the apartment and are etched in skull decals on his car. Mr. Campbell, a collector of German combat knives, also wears Nazi-era boots and likes to click his heels together.

Since Mr. Campbell sought out a local paper to complain that ShopRite wouldn't decorate a birthday cake for his son, now Adolph Hitler, but formerly Antonio Adolph Hitler, blogs and newspaper websites have reported incendiary information. There's Mr. Campbell’s previous marriage, which produced a few comments from his former mother-in-law, who wrote that her daughter wouldn't let him name one of their children Satan. A wise move on her part. Others wrote in saying that the act of naming kiddos after Hitler and Himmler constituted abuse.

Daddy Heath wouldn't be the first. My mother, observing that my male cousins named Ashley had to slug their way through grade school, said naming a boy Ashley was like naming him Percy or Vivien. Having known a Marine named Percy, I concur. Nonetheless, people keep on saddling their offspring with godawful names. Look at the Morning Star Redwings, Dawnlight Dancers, and American Star Wanderings and other goofy names my generation inflicted on their kids...commune kids who probably grew up to be cost accountants, as an act of bitter protest. However, one of my checkout ladies at Albertsons was named Quivoria, and another was Rotunda, and they seemed fine. Some things can be can be transcended and we ought to remember that.

Mr. Campbell broke down when his kids were removed from his home. The local chief of police remarked, “He loves his kids...his kids to him are his future. As he told me, his kids are forever; wives aren’t.” A remark that has a plain, if benighted, eloquence all its own.

Face it. The guy's simply pig-ignorant, although with befuddled aspirations. However, as far as I'm concerned, there are still unanswered questions, like: how come we only have this one photo, so far? And who are these two women? Today, a friend of mine asked me, "Who are these two lesbians with little Hitler?" And yeah, there's that overtone. I put it down to bad reporting.

When questioned, Heath Campbell is clear enough.

And I guess that's the problem.